My humble dedications To:

 Ek Ajnabee Mallu – Hope he has come back with all our prayers…..

Marivin – A blogger who was once active here….If anyone can share a clue about her, it would be nice….

Dileep Krishnan, Krishna Prasad,P.G.R.Nair, Jayraj, Maheen Misra, Amaya Lahiri , Nilesh Gore and Aravind Das……

 Hands Of Love – 19 – The Last Passenger Train………….

Life throws a lot of surprises to every one….To me too…Many of them seem surreal…yet , they are real……..

Sitting on a chair at Kannur railway station during a winter night, I waited Sankaretta and his assistant Chandran.Life looked showered by a bunch of experience……Many are falling from heaven without any forwarnings which include the current learning too….

I met Sankaretta first time at Kannur railway station around five years back…I was not a traveler by train…Yet, I reached there to find the timings to travel upto Mangalore the very next day where resorting to another mode of travel seemed risky because of the imminent harthal organized by left parties for the next day.…..After checking the train timings,to pass the time, I sat over there watching the people and the surroundings…But interestingly it went up to night 11.45…In between,my eyes reached on a person who was clad in saffron dress and aged around 70 years…With a long beard he resembled a yogi….and that was Sankaran Nambiar or Sankaretta, as the people addressed him with respect…..Another person, aged little lesser than Sankaretta was seen politely hearing and answering  him….and he was Chandran – Sankaretta’s auto driver.On realizing me as a stranger, they offered  help in dropping me at the hotel Mascot Beach Resort situated near the sea,at Burnasseri which is 3 kms away from the railway station.…I had a chat with them during that night…..My curiosity had multifold on knowing Sankaretta’s regular visits to the railway station for the last seven years….The very next day, though my Magalore trip didn’t happen,I reached the station by evening and waited him to say a hello.….By 7.30 night,, he came over there. Surprised on seeing me, he walked forward and shook my hands…

“ Aditya, I never expected you here”…. Sankaretta exclaimed…

“ I came here to exchange the pleasantries….”

“Come on, we will sit, discuss and share a cup of tea too…. Are u in a hurry”?

“No”

We sat on chairs….For few minutes,Sankaretta seemed thinking on something…Then he opened the eyes….It became suddenly reddish….Looking at me, he asked…..

“ Aditya,How much life u have seen?”His tone became thinner …..

“ Less when compared to your age…”

Closing the eyes , he contemplated again…Then he floundered…..

“ The more you grew older, the higher would be the experience, the deeper would be the pain and the stronger would be the affinity towards detachment….Man touches the upper limit and then diverts his desire from world to death”…..

I simply peeled at his face….The jaw muscles moved delicately…

“Hmmm….ok..leave it.. tell me about yar family….”

I briefed crisply…In between Chandran brought tea….

“ Sankaretta, I want to know why you are regular here? Ie too for the last seven years….”….

He stared at me for a minute……Then pondered over something again…..

After few minutes, he enunciated….“ Yes..I will narrate ”…..

“ Aditya, I was born to a lower primary school teacher who died at the early age of forty….For my mom, taking care of her four kids- three daughters and one son-me,was the most bloodiest task…Yet,with tuition and music classes she managed.…Being the eldest kid, at the younger age itself,I underwent the sufferings very much….I wished to grow up fast and support my family.”

Sipping the tea, he continued….”After completing the tenth standard, one of our relatives in Bombay, took me along with him…He later  helped to complete the Industrial Training Course….I really searched for a job along with the studies coz my family desperately wanted greater share of support. Did a number of part time jobs and tried to send few coins to home….Since my sisters were good in studies, I was much committed….I tried to play the role of a father rather than a brother….Whenever I slept, I held my hands together and kept on my chest as if I was hugging my mom,sisters…..My starving prayers finally blessed me with a job in Eastern Railway….It made a sea change in my home too…The  electric light finally opened its eyes in my small hut …..The kitchen became busy in cooking for three times…My sisters scrambled into more pairs of dress…..I was dying every day to ensure that my family was safe and secure with in my limits of comforts….U know , I loved the day of getting the salary.Collecting it,normally I ran towards the post office to send the money order….During those lonely nights, I dreamt of them , collecting my money from the post man, going to temple,buying groceries,paying fees…and sharing food together….My dreams were always knitted around them and them only…By the grace of GOD, both of my sisters became doctors and settled very well at Calicut…Third one joined with Kerala government as a teacher…..My mom left the world while she was in the midst of prosperity and happiness…Yet she was sad on me, continuing as a bachelor.I was at the age of forty Two when my youngest sister got married….”

“Infact I never wished to marry…..My challenge was to take care of my family…So I never spared enough time to think of me.….”

“But succumbed to the pressure from sisters, the decision was changed….More than a marriage, I wanted to give a life to a woman……..So preferred Kamalam - a deaf, dumb, and an orphan  lady….Initially life was so difficult coz of the communication problems….Later I became an expert…A slight change in her breath was enough to realize the reason behind it…We both never wished for any kids…..Rather,We lead a life with bhajans and sadhanas...We loved other kids as our own…and shared their joy and sorrows….After retiring from railway, we moved back to Kannur and continued with our spiritual life..….”

“Our decision to travel to Calcutta for a pilgrimage during April 1996, made the life havoc.…..During a night in the train,from Calcutta to Bhuvaneswar,while I was sleeping, without informing me she went to toilet….But didn’t return back..Smelling something bad, I woke up.Since she was not seen around,I rushed towards the bath room…but she was seen missing…..The door looked opened by someone….Informing the railway authorities and Police, I wandered over there for months….But nothing happened………I was really crest fallen…..She was carrying an identity card….and that was the only ray of hope….I reached back here after a period of six months of continuous search…..Till now I have not received any positive information…”

“Aditya, still I wait her….I know, that she cant leave of me for ever….So I wait her….Daily evening,I reach here with Chandran,wait her till the arrival of last passenger train…..and this exercise have been put in practice for the last seven years…I did my best in finding her….But as such nothing positive has happened….”

Sankaretta’s lips quivered..throat hoarsed…A drop tear gushed out……….He stopped for few minutes……Then Chandran slowly completed………….

“ I was driving a hired auto..Sankaretta bought a new one and presented me…He wanted to ensure that I must be with him always….So,after the day’s drive, evening by around by seven , we both reach here and wait….”

Pointing the eyes towards somewhere Sankaretta fumbled….“Each day ends in disappointment and the next one begins with an expectation….Aditya, my life has narrowed down between the expectation and loss….I know, that she might not come back..I don’t know where she is and what happened to her..Yet I wait…..During the last seven years none of us traveled by any train.…Yet I expect……….some one…. from some where……I narrate this incident to whomever I meet.The reason is simple…A discussion about Kamala adds a drop of expectation in me which helps to pull the life further…I know it is an imaginary concept…..Yet,I wish to dwell in imagination which has become my oxygen…Sitting here, when each train arrives, I foresee her…coming out from a compartment…and me, rushing towards her and holding her hands……..”He sobbed……….

I became numb for a while…..Pin drop silence brood over our minds…..

None opened the mouth…..Each one was engrossed in different sort of thoughts of Kamala…….Time was nearing 11.45, midnight again…..The announcement about the arrival of the last passenger train flown through the speaker….and with in five minutes , it arrived on platform number One.

The feeble sound of an alarm rose from somewhere…..So,I looked around…

“ It was from my watch….I set the alarm at 11.45 night….”Sankaretta answered….

“Sankaretta, your watch looks different…..”

“It was gifted by sister on my first wedding anniversary….She bought it from Malaysia….Though it is older by 32 years, still works without any problem…”

“Ie great”…I replied..

“Aditya,..We will drop you….”Standing from the chair,he confirmed….

“ So you will be leaving tomorrow…? Isn’t it?….”While sitting in the autorickshaw,he enquired……

“ Yes, I will be back by March 2004…” Exchanging the phone numbers , I replied….

After dropping me at hotel, they moved………..

While having a cup of flakes,my mind was absorbed in the thought of the ill fated Sankaretta….The sea seemed calm…..I walked on the shimmering sands during that midnight….Time was nearing 1.15 early morning….The winter breeze ran through my bones…I felt so much nippy….None was seen around the vicinity…Standing far away, the security persons of the hotel watched my movements….I was cautioned of the wandering of a young lady over there for centuries during the full moon and amavasi nights….Was it a story or?….But I didn’t care at all…I moved forward…Though it was night, everything was absolutely visible…A crab was seen rushing towards the sea….The full moon seemed milking the honey with the stars….”Hey, it is a full moon night man….”…Someone reminded me from with in….”Aha it means the time to wander for the young lady?”…..some one again asked from my heart….”Was she waiting for me somewhere near here?”,……Stretching my hands wider I yelled…..” Hey young lady ghost, your devil stands here…..Come on I dare to confront with you…..”But none answered to me…..I was wearing typical Kerala dress – A white dhoti and a Jubbah and they continued to flutter in breeze….For sure, someone would spread the stories of the appearance a male ghost on the seashore in the coming days…..By around 3 am, I moved back to the room…..

I was woke up by a call from Sankaretta over my cell……

“Aditya wishing a safe travel…see you next time……..”

“Well….. I will contact you……”

I left Kannur by morning itself………

Sankaretta’s phone calls began to reach on my cell regularly and that strengthened our relation….I assigned a different caller tune to it….Every day during night it sounded and confirmed of his arrival to the railway station..It also reminded me of the thin layer of life that stands between the expectation and the disappointment…

March 2004….On his request, during my next trip to Kannur , I visited Sankaretta’s home which was away by seven kms from town….

“We have organized a bhajan followed with the distrubution of prasada…”While inviting me to the home, he informed…..

The small home was maintained very well….It  was boisteroused by few kids from the neighboring houses,who reached there to participate…..The timing for bhajan was set from evening 4 to 6………

“ What is the speciality of today?”……I enquired …..

“Today is the 33rd wedding anniversary of me…Can you believe….? 33 yrs of married life?? In which for the last seven years I am alone here…Without hearing anything and with out spelling a word, she might be celebrating it somewhere….Is she alive? I can’t find an answer…But If she is alive, why am I not getting any clues? Why she is not arriving by any train? And if she is dead,why she doesn’t visit me in dreams? And why she doesn’t take me along with her?….”Sankaretta paused for a while…Taking a deep breth, he continued…”Aditya, look around…I am blessed with a number of kids……..There was a time, when we celebrated each day with bhajans and prasada distribution…..My wife was busy with the preparations…Now everything seemed lost……I am getting aged…and alone……The feeble expectation on her arrival pulls the life from one day to another…..If she happens to returns after my death……?” He finally threw a question which never had an answer……….

 “ Pray for the best………”I tried to console him….

Asking me to sit on the chair, he opened the almariah and took something…..

 “ Look, this is our wedding photo…….”…Hiding the face behind it, he showed me .

Sankaretta was seen standing while his wife sat down on a chair……….It was dated 15.03.1971……….I glanced at the photo again and again…..

“Yes, I saw it……Please keep it back….” I told him….But he stayed there without any movement…..The silence was quiet disquieting…….

I slowly pushed his hands to the left……..Sankaretta was seen , standing without breath with eyes closed……..The face was distorted in agony…I could well realize the heat of the tears crossing his cheeks and falling on the floor………..

“Its ok…..please divert your mind…Kids are waiting for you……..”..I tried to console him again……..

Everybody sat on the mat...Sankaretta’s fingers moved through the chords of an old harmonium…….and the sound resonated throughout the building……….

“ Ellam ninakku njan nalkaam, ente vallayma matteedaname” ( Hey Prabhu, I will submit everything to you..consider my sorrow and offer a solution…..)

The kids followed him in higher volume……Sankaretta was an expert in bahjans who created the sublime spiritual atmosphere with his classical touches……….His throat vibrated along with the chords……..Each bhajan was well carried out with the perfect mix of ups and downs coupled with the nuances of rhythm to conjure the people minds to get immersed in it…The house was pulsated with bhajans….

Sitting near the door, I noticed the ex-pressions on each one’s face…It continued till six evening…After distributing the prasada, we hurried to the railway station .

“Ellam ninakku njan nalkaam, ente vallayma matteedaname”Sankaretta, in low volume,muttered the bhajan in the auto too…..Reaching the railway station,we sat over the chairs, shared the tea…..Discussed a lot…….By 11.45 midnight, as usual, the alarm sounded from his watch and the last passenger train arrived on platform…..Dropping me at the hotel, they left……

Everything became routine by then…….Instead to wander in loneliness, I liked the congenial company of  Sankaretta and Chandran at Kannur railway station…Many evenings we spent together while waiting the last passenger train…..

It was in July 2005….After checking in the hotel by evening, I rushed towards the railway station…Incidentally, Sankaretta and Chandran didn’t reach over there....Though I had already informed them about my arrival, they were seen missing…I waited till the arrival of last passenger train…Tried to contact over the land line of Sankaretta.…But none picked the phone and that escalated my anxiety………

The next day morning, while I was on the way to Mangalore, Chandran called over cell…….

“ Sir, Sankaretta was admitted in AKG Memorial hospital by yesterday evening due to cardiac pain…..Now he is in IC.”……….

 I was much shocked….

”How is his condition ..and who is with him?”

“ Condition has improved…Both his doctor sisters are with him ……”

“ Well…we will meet in the evening……..Am on the way to Magalore……”

By evening 5.15 , I reached the hospital……..Sankaretta was still in the IC….But condition had improved………Chandran introduced me to his sisters…….

“ Aditya, he enquired about you thrice…And he wants to meet you….” One of his sister told me……

Though visits to IC were restricted, wielding her personal contacts, she helped me to enter.….Sankaretta was seen lying on the bed….His face seemed very much pale and he looked haggard as if he hadn’t slept at all.……Yet, the yogic aura was very much visible……Lifting the right arm slowly, he welcomed me………Standing near, I stared at him with so much of compassion, ……He wanted to tell something……….

“ Aditya, we have advised him not to speak…….Yet , he prefers to tell you something………” His sister muttered……….

I kept my left ear close to his lips…………

“None visited… the …railway… station yesterday………..” His tone clipped…and he closed the eyes…………

I took a minute to answer………….

“I was there ….till the arrival of the last passenger train………I waited there…….”I slowly enunciated….

Opening the eyes suddenly, he looked at me with a heart rending ex-pression……The eyebrows jiggled up and down…I bowed my head…..His right hand slowly moved forward….Keeping it on my head, he smiled …….

Along with his sister,I moved out of the IC…..

“ Though we are meeting for the first time, you have become a member in our family……..He always tells about you………”Looking at me , she told …

While accepting her comment, I asked …“ How is his condition?”

“ No problem..He is perfectly alright…For the last many years,I have been pleading him to stay with me..but he never wished to leave our small ancestral home and his  routine visits to the railway station…….Aditya , he is not only our elder brother...we consider him ..love him…as our own father……U know, the man who is admitted in the IC has spend the whole life for us…….We want to be with him…”…She tried to manage the rising emotions….

“ Any way he is improving which is a good sign..…..”

Saying a bye to her, I moved towards the hotel……..

“ Abdulla,I want to have a bath now……after that, drop me in the railway station…..”.I told my driver……..

After a quick bath, I moved towards the station…On the way,I bought a novel……Sitting on a chair, I riffled through it………Feeling so much of boring, I got up from the chair and puttered around station…In between, the last passenger train arrived…While walking down the entrance, Chandran was seen waiting me with the autorickshaw….

“ Sir , I know you would be here…Ie why I came here”…….He told me…

“ Don’t worry about me ,how is he?”

“Improved much…His sisters are taking care of everything..He is perfectly o.k…”

“I want to visit him early morning before leaving Kannur….”

Sankaretta looked better by the morning..He was shifted to the room by then……

In between 2004 and 2005 August, I made four visits to Kannur….Though, Sankaretta had restricted his movements after the initial cardiac attack, He was still regular to the railway station along with Chandran….

Sitting there till the arrival of last passenger train by 11.45 midnight, was he  trying to find solace in her memories….? I tried to believe in that way……

It was in 2005 December….As usual, I telephoned to Sankaretta….….

“ Aditya……” His feeble sound resonated……

“ Sankaretta, am in Chennai, reaching Calicut by day after tomarrow?U need anything?”

He took a minute to answer…Then with so much of emotion he told me….

“I keep a small wish in mind…..If u don’t mind, can you try to realize it…?”…

“ Please tell me….I will try…….”

“ Aditya,I have been regular to the railway station for the last many years….I know pretty well, that no body would reach over there by any train…Yet I visit there for someone who is never expected .……During your next visit,can u please travel from Calicut to Kannur by the last passenger train…….?”He paused for a while….

“ Sure..I will try ….U can wait near the chair car…….”

Year 2005, December 26th…After informing Abdulla to wait in front of railway station with cab,I traveled to Kannur by the last passenger train from Calicut……and it reached the station by 11.45 midnight ……..Before I could alight, Sankaretta rushed towards the chair car and held my hands. His face was brightened with the fulfillment of something……..As usual, the alarm from his watch sounded………We walked down towards the entrance…

 “ Aditya, I had been waiting you..so haven’t had the tea…Since you told me that you would try to reach here by train,I was much anxious to watch it… I tried to contact you from the local booth…But you were out of network… I think that, I have realized my dream….Any way, I can have a deep sleep tonight which is sorely missing for a long time…But….”……

Glaring at me, he purred …”Aditya, you look so tired…The face confirms that….What happened ? Haven’t u slept last nights?…Better take rest and we will chat tomorrow night…..Can I drop you at Mascot Beach Resort…..”?

“You are right Sankaretta….I am on a busy schedule for the last eight days…Long travels…, late night corporate presentations…, never ending brain storming exercises …I am really tired…Yet, I try to manage the freshness coz for further pull on, I need it…..Any way it’s a different world of life altogether…”I stopped for a while….We reached the entrance…Time was around 12.30 midnight…..

Holding my hands again , He told “ I think a lot of people miss you…including me…”

“ Might be……might be…… ”

We walked towards the cab…Abdulla was ready by then….With the autorickshaw, Chandran too neared us….

I darted a gracious look at Sankaretta……… His eyes envisaged parental love and affection……..My long hair danced with the wind…

" What happened Aditya? ”…..

 " Sankaretta, I will not meet you tomorrow evening coz I have to catch the afternoon flight from Calicut…….Infact I am leaving back to Calicut now…”.Taking a long breth, I muttered …

 “Leaving back to Calicut now itself? Means another 90 kms of travel by this time? So why you came here ….???”A visibly broken Sankaretta raved….He tried to stand and grimaced with pain……

On realizing the rising crescendo of emotions, I replied calmly…..“I came here to meet you….You told me na, you expect someone to reach here by the last passenger train..…let me be……. that someone……”

A visibly shocked Sankaretta stood standstill for few minutes…Tears rolled down from his eyes like cascades.….His throat hoarsed…Enveloped in pain, his lips quivered and body trembled for a while………His look tugged at my deep heart…Bending down, I touched his feet for blessings…He didn’t move at all…Saying a bye, I entered the cab….and carrying me, it rushed back to Calicut…Time was around One , midnight….

What precipitated me to travel by the last passenger train to Kannur after a week of grilling schedule?….An intuition ? …..Many a times , mind behaves like a stranger…Hiding somewhere , it simply commands….

And that was my last meeting with him……….

On January 27th 2006, succumbed to second cardiac arrest Sankaretta died…Unfortunately I was out of state along with Niladri Das Menon…….My next visit to Kannur was due on 2006 May 18th…After checking in the hotel, I waited Chandran...

“How things are there? Who is staying in his home?” I enquired ……

“ It was in the name of his youngest sister…But locked  now….”Chandran hummed….

“ Sir , I wish to inform something….” He continued….”My only daughter was married and settled at Ulleria which is away by 100 kms ……So we – me and wife, have decided to shift …I have sold my  house last month…For the time being, we are shifting to a rented house and later we can buy a small one….After the death of Sankaretta, it is meaningless to continue here…I had been waiting to meet you before leaving this place for ever…”He managed to complete the lines….

“That is a good decision……Any way ,we will go to the station now…and spare some time………”

Once again,at Kannur Railway Station…...Sitting on  chairs, as usual, we engrossed in deep thoughts……….In between, the last passenger train to Kannur arrived on time….

“ Hey, we forget to have the tea…..Any way,shall we move back?” I asked him……..

Without giving any reply,standing up from the chair, Chandran walked slowly towards the train…His hands scrambled through the compartments….Then wiping the tears, he walked back………

I just kept my hands over his shoulder…….

“ I am trying to believe that he has left for ever….Yet,…” He clamped up for a while…Hiding the face on the wall, he cried silently…..I waited till he settled down…..

Moving back to the entrance,we again sat in the autorickshaw……..and it  finally stopped infront of my hotel……..

“Sir, I have a job to complete”…..Taking a small packet from the dash board, he told….

“ What is this?”…I asked him……..

“ This is the wrist watch of Sankaretta….Hope u remember it with its unique alarm that normally sounded at 11.45 midnight…From the hospital bed, he wanted it to gift to you..”

Accepting the packet,I kept my hands over Chandran’s shoulders….We both knew, that was the last meeting……..I slowly smiled at him…..

“ So when we will meet again?”  I whispered softly………..

“ Any time u wish………Along with Sankaretta, you too will linger in my memories……”.Replied in crumbled voice,he had been quiet delirious with parting….

We stood there for a while…..

“ Sir,may I leave of you……..?”In fading voice, he requested…..

“ Yes……I don’t know whether we will meet again…..Infact I never imagined of meeting him or you in my life…….and I am not a traveler by train….Yet, I have started loving the Kannur railway station…. and……The last passenger train too……”The sentence came out in shattered words....

With out answering any thing, Chandran started the vehicle…..and the autorickshaw – “Kamala” finally left away for ever from my eyesight………..

Carrying the gift, I walked down to the resort……

Dear Reader,I scribble this blog during another January month……Two years after the death of an old man who spared the whole life for his mom, sisters and for Kamala…..Once he was regular at the Kannur railway station in search of a slice of solace which sorely missed in his life….He was a man who accepted the reality of life gracefully yet pulled on each second to realize a near impossible imagination…..

Downstairs, Niladri was seen watching film songs …….

“Unarumee gaaanam….Uyarumen ullam….

Eee sneha saagaram Nee neetu velayil….”

( When u express a sea of love and affection to me,my heart wakes up and I sing this song for you…)

I moved  towards the balcony….Incidentally the alarm from Sankaretta’s watch resonated once again, confirming the time as 11.45 night……For sure, the last passenger train to Kannur has reached to the station by now…Somewhere in the other side of the world, it is the time for an old man and his assistant to leave the station back home…..Clad in saffron dress, he walks down the entrance….When ever the pain is beyond manageable, he clasps his hands on the shoulder of his loyal assistant….Sometimes, you can also foresee a young man with long hair who is destined to experience the blessings of unknown people belonging to unknown places…For him life is a surprise rather than mystery….Can’t u hear the sound of an autorickshaw moving slowly??...In it, the old man sits with hopes shattered once again…..For him, the dream of an arrival of a passenger train from somewhere, carrying some one, will make all the difference….A Passenger Train- Which stands between the Dream and the Reality…And between the Expectation and the Disappointment….So, he looks for a tomorrow to reach back to the station and to wait for some one who never reaches…That is the reality….Yet, the bubble of expectation  is being extended again up to the arrival of the last passenger train by tomorrow mid night.…..And Till the arrival of The Last Passenger Train……

Aditya das menon……………

adityadasmenon@gmail.com.............